An Intimidating Thing In Me

Yesterday, I ran into a man that just naturally makes me laugh or smile. I smile because he is one who is just naturally being himself. I find joy in knowing people who are able to be who they truly are inside and express it outwardly. People come in many forms but, we tend to wear masks most of the time. It is rare that a person feels comfortable enough to express themselves fully, especially so around strangers or acquaintances. It is a joy to experience the presence of such a person, mainly because it is so difficult for me to do the same. I am the personality that is often called shy, aloof or quiet. I tend to struggle with expression of my true nature, being intensely sensitive to criticism and rejection. I appreciate and thank God for the godly, for they see beyond my awkwardness into the Spirit that dwells within me. Sometimes, my outward appearance and actions often seem to be saying the opposite of what I am feeling inside. Those who seek God and have His Spirit seem to see into my heart. They can see that my heart desires to relate, connect and speak to them. I for one, am truly grateful that Jesus went out of his way to go to those who the rest of the world stays away from or just plainly doesn’t see.

Now, as for my friend that I was talking about. At one point in the conversation, as we were talking he suddenly told me that I was a very beautiful woman. I thanked him. For what person such as me gets told that I am very beautiful? Have I ever? Except for, maybe-as a pickup line? So, I looked him in the eye to make sure (asking God in my head) and he told me it again, and I could tell that it was a sincere compliment. Sincere compliments are a gift from God. So, I teared up a little and thanked him from my heart. But, then he said something else. And it made me sad at first. He said, you are very beautiful but, you are an intimidating woman. You are set apart by God. An insecure man is afraid to have you. It is much easier for men of this world to go after the women who offer themselves with their low-cut tops and low-waisted jeans. They are so easy to get. An insecure man pursues things of this world, and goes for what is easy. The true godly men are rare. Godly men have what it takes to pursue a woman of God. That is why you cannot find a man for you. You must ask God to bring the man to you. Now, I was sad at this point. For the desire inside every heart is to be known.

I am in the constant process of wanting to make myself a better woman. To turn from the things of this world. In essence, I have been set apart. The sad thing is, even though I sanctify my life to God, many men who approach me do not do the same. Why should I go to the trouble of wanting to keep myself pure for a man who is not himself pure? Why go through the agony of waiting? Because, I want to know and be known. A man may want me but does not respect me as a woman. Why know a woman’s heart when you can for a short time possess her body? Why work for something when you can get another thing for free?

I belong to God. He is my Father who watches over me and protects me. Traditionally, if a man was interested in a woman, that man would ask the father of the woman he is interested in and get the father’s approval to be able to court her. After that and with the father’s blessing he could pursue the woman. The man would approach the woman and ask her to be his wife. If she accepted he would court her and build a home for them. But, they could not consumate the marriage until the father approved of the house the man was building. When the father approved of the home the man had built, then the woman was able to go to the man and become one with him. Should I not keep myself for a man such as this?

Romans 8:4 AMP So that the righteous and just requirement of the Law might be fully met in us who live and move not in the ways of the flesh but in the ways of the Spirit (our lives governed by the standards and according to the dictates of the flesh but controlled by the Holy Spirit).

1 Corinthians 3:16-17 AMP Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is sacred, and you are that temple.

1 Corinthians 15:28 AMP However, when everything is subjected to Him, then the Son Himself will also subject Himself to (the Father) Who put all things under Him, so that God may be all in all (be everything to everyone, supreme, the indwelling and controlling factor of life).

2 Corinthians 6:16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."

Hebrews 6:18 AMP This is so that, by two unchangeable things (His promise and His oath) in which it is impossible for God ever to prove false or deceive us, we who have fled (to Him) for refuge might have mighty indwelling strength and strong encouragement to grasp and hold fast the hope appointed for us and set before (us).

Ephesians 3:16 AMP May He grant you out of the rich treasury of His glory to be strengthened and reinforced with mighty power in the inner man by the (Holy) Spirit (Himself indwelling your innermost being and personality).

Ephesians 5.For instance: 5:33AMP However, let each man of you (without exception) love his wife as (being in a sense) his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband (that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly).

Now, if I have the Holy Spirit indwelling inside of me (and all that entails) how would it be possible for me to do all that is expected in the Ephesians 5 passage that is expected of a wife toward a man who is not under the authority of God? How can I submit to a man, who never asked the permission and blessing of my Father? How can I submit to a man who never asks but takes? A man who hasn’t built his own house cannot put his shelter over me, if he, himself has not built it. And this, my friend is what is "intimidating." Not me, but the one who shelters me. A man who sees this in me is not intimidated by it, he recognizes it because it is the only one that will fit inside the home he has spent time building. I only want to live in that man’s house. It is the only one that would be a home for me.