So here I am with only 10 minutes to go before I go to work. The fourth of July and I haven't done anything but hang out with my family and sleep. Graveyard shift does that to me. I sleep all the time but, what the bad thing about it is-I also use it as an excuse to sleep when I am bored. I tend to get bored pretty easy. Since the bizzare breakup that I had back in May, I lost my bestfriend and a guy that I was totally into. Without a bestfriend to talk to, or a Christian mentor, I suffered major depression with having to deal with that loss and the feelings of betrayal, anger, and rejection on my own. I have even stopped going to church. It doesn't help that the breakup involved fellow Christians. What I don't understand is why I had so much welcome as a new Christian, but now that I am suffering and in heart agony-no one from church calls to check on me. The few times I have went to church I have felt very alone. When you need your Christian connections so bad, why is everyone suddenly not as open with you? I still pray though. And cry alot. It is hard but what am I to do?

I now have to go to work and if the above situation isn't enough, I am having to deal with guys from work, who treat me as a piece of meat. Vulgar suggestions,body language and words. Funny how being Christian, men seem to be worse with you at times. Not treating you like a lady and stuff. It is hard when you have no Christian support and having to learn to fully rely on God to protect you. I think that sometimes Christian women have to put up with a lot of that vulgar sexual talk in certain jobs. Seems worldly men want you because you are a "good girl" but they don't treat you any better once you turn their propositions down-suddenly you become the "enemy" and with a vengence. I put my faith in the Lord. And I pray for his protection. And so now I go to work. Let's see what happens.

So, here I start my blog. Trying to come up with words while kids run around, adults talking above a loud television. Toys thrown all about. People running in and out of the house while the air conditioning is running overtime. While a dog and several cats sneak in and out with the people. The weather is somewhere in the nineties today. I am over at my friend Sammy's Aunt and Uncle's busy household. If I was at my own family's house it would be similar only people would be yelling at the kids to stay in or stay out. And no dog or cats, since they have already gotten rid of what cats and dogs we used to have.

Smells like they are putting hamburgers on the grill. My stomach is starting to growl, since I have not ate since around 7am this morning. And here comes that headache and sorta nauseous feeling that starts when my body suddenly realizes I haven't fed it much today. Guess I will go for now. All I am thinking about is food now. Later.