So here I am with only 10 minutes to go before I go to work. The fourth of July and I haven't done anything but hang out with my family and sleep. Graveyard shift does that to me. I sleep all the time but, what the bad thing about it is-I also use it as an excuse to sleep when I am bored. I tend to get bored pretty easy. Since the bizzare breakup that I had back in May, I lost my bestfriend and a guy that I was totally into. Without a bestfriend to talk to, or a Christian mentor, I suffered major depression with having to deal with that loss and the feelings of betrayal, anger, and rejection on my own. I have even stopped going to church. It doesn't help that the breakup involved fellow Christians. What I don't understand is why I had so much welcome as a new Christian, but now that I am suffering and in heart agony-no one from church calls to check on me. The few times I have went to church I have felt very alone. When you need your Christian connections so bad, why is everyone suddenly not as open with you? I still pray though. And cry alot. It is hard but what am I to do?

I now have to go to work and if the above situation isn't enough, I am having to deal with guys from work, who treat me as a piece of meat. Vulgar suggestions,body language and words. Funny how being Christian, men seem to be worse with you at times. Not treating you like a lady and stuff. It is hard when you have no Christian support and having to learn to fully rely on God to protect you. I think that sometimes Christian women have to put up with a lot of that vulgar sexual talk in certain jobs. Seems worldly men want you because you are a "good girl" but they don't treat you any better once you turn their propositions down-suddenly you become the "enemy" and with a vengence. I put my faith in the Lord. And I pray for his protection. And so now I go to work. Let's see what happens.